My First Experience with Frustration

So I'm sitting at my aunt's house and I find myself a bit frustrated. As my group knows, I met with quite a lot of resistance when I told people that I wanted to go on a vision trip to Cambodia. There were two people that didn't want me to go and verbalized it when others kept their silence. My aunt was one of those people (apparently being an aunt makes people a little more protective or opinionated since it was my great-aunt that sent me the letter that I blogged about earlier). I walked into my aunt's house and I looked her in the eye and said that I made it home in one piece. She looked at me and said, "I don't care to hear anything about it." I just sat in shock and a little bit of anger. Questions began racing through my head: How can a family member not wonder how my trip went and what I did? How can someone hide from what is going on there?

I guess the fact that people can't face the truth really makes me wonder about the human condition. Maybe I am an inquisitive person who just likes to know what's going on in the world. Maybe I'm overly concerned with women's and children's issues. Maybe I'm a person that likes to help in situations that I might not ever see the end to. Some might say that I am fighting an uphill battle. I would look them in the eye and say, "Yes I am but so was Jesus. I am not going to turn away from what God calls me to do because it is a difficult journey." I want people to know what's going on in Cambodia. I want people to know the atrocities and crimes against humanity that are occurring there. People need to know and not just turn a blind eye to what's truly going on. If people hide from the truth, then nothing will ever change.

So to all you ostriches out there, pull your head out of the sand and look around. You might not be able to change the world for everyone, but I can assure you that there are plenty of beautiful people out there that you CAN make an impact on. I've been there and I can tell you that there are a handful of beautiful young, women who could use some support and love. Listen to God's call for you; I promise you he doesn't want you to just sit on the sidelines of life watching. He wants you to be a contender in the game.

Time for Travel

In all honesty, I'm not ready to go home. I'm ready to see Lola, but I'm not ready to leave the beautiful people that I have met here and the amazing country of Cambodia. We actually had a pretty full day here today. After breakfast we traveled to the Russian Market to do some last minute shopping. I had just a few more things to get. That doesn't necessarily mean that I had the space for them, but I got them anyways. While we were in downtown Phnom Penh, we ate at a cute little cafe that looked more like it should be found in the middle of Europe than in the middle of Cambodia.

Joni and I at Cafe Yejj.

It was a very nice lunch with fellowship and jokes. After lunch we made our way back to the hotel to finish packing and just relax. It was definitely my nap time. Knowing that the next two days will consist only of sleeping on planes or airport benches, a bed seemed like a pretty good idea. The group shared one last real meal together, which ended up being pretty funny. Nicole and I ordered the exact same thing, as did some other people in the group. We had ordered ours first, but our order went to the other table. This was all well and good until Nicole got her plate and it was most definitely not fried rice with chicken. It looked as if it were fried rice with ham lunch meat. The raisins that were mixed in didn't quite help the situation either. We ended up scavenging off other people's leftovers. I ended up fairly full given my lack of an entree. Now it was time to pack the bags into the van and be on our way. On the way to the airport, Mary Beth "MB" Kohart decided to grace us with one last set of songs over the mic. We sang a bunch of show tunes with some classic 80s mixed in. The great part about it was that we only knew a verse or two and the chorus. Let's just say we made it through her "set list" and more in the time we were on the bus. After going through check-in and security, we made our way to the sugary, sweet goodness that was waiting for us on the other side...DQ! Who would've thought there would be a Dairy Queen in the Cambodian airport, but there was and it was great!

Me with my Cambodian small Blizzard. In Cambodia everything is actually portioned correctly instead of our huge American portions...no wonder they are all so tiny here!

Soon we boarded the flight and were off. Now I'm sitting in the Korean airport waiting for the longest leg of our journey to begin...the 13 hour flight from Seoul to Chicago. Oh joy! But on the other end of this trip is my baby girl and my family waiting for me!!

Our Last Full Day

We woke up this morning to the sounds of chanting and funeral music. During breakfast I had a really great talk with Nicole. It was definitely a perfect way to end the trip. It really helped me process some of the last things that I wanted to think about on this trip. After breakfast we all went to the Daughters house to spend some time in the neighborhood. We got there and walked through the muddy streets to the neighborhood school. The Cambodians put mud on the streets to “make them better”. This actually just makes them worse. The streets without the mud are in much better condition than when they put the mud on them. When we arrived at the school all of the children were out of their classrooms within three minutes. It was so much fun to play with them. We all circled up and did the wave and then we sang the chicken song.

Singing the chicken song.

Trying to make Srey Nouch sing the chicken song.

It was so much fun! Srey Phala, Srey Nouch and Srey Di all came to give us hugs and tell us hello and that they had missed us. After the teachers finally got their students back in their classrooms, we were able to sit down with the administrator of the school and ask him questions, with Theary’s help of course. He told us that teachers starting out only make $50 a month and after 30 years they will make $75 a month. There are anywhere between 20 and 40 students for each teacher. After we were done with the school we continued to walk along the river road to see the homes and to visit a home where they made scarves. Then it was time to go back to the Daughters house. When we arrived there we actually walked down to an orphanage that Theary and her husband own.

One of the babies at the orphanage.

It was so very nice compared to the other orphanages that we have seen, and honestly just in general it was very nice. They had some very cute kids there. Then it was time for lunch! Lunch at the Daughters house is amazing. We had friend rice, soup, spring rolls and fruit. When we finished lunch, some of us went to the hotel and swam or napped. I organized my clothes a little bit and then sat by the pool. When it came time to go back to the house it was in the middle of another torrential downpour. We had so much fun playing with the kids in the rain whenever we finally made it back to the house. Clarissa and Ashton were hosting Kids Club for the neighborhood kids. We played games and had the kids tie dye t-shirts. The girls had taught all the kids about Joseph and his coat of many colors yesterday so this was the art lesson to go along with it.

My station was the green station. It was soooooo much fun!

There were approximately 60 kids from the neighborhood there. It was an amazing time! Then we had a dance party in the rain with the kids. I can't convey just how much fun I had. The yard was full of kids just playing and dancing in the rain. Then we got cookies for the kids and it was time for us to leave. I wish we had spent more time with the neighborhood kids because today was so much fun! It's almost like the trip needs to be three weeks: one week of vision stuff and cultural immersion stuff and then two weeks of work and spending time with the kids. After some time to shower, we all had dinner at the hotel restaurant. All the daughters came over when we were done so we could present the three girls that made dresses by themselves with certificates. We played games with the girls and were just being silly before we did the presentation.

Me with Srey Roth, Sokpea, and Mala with Saran in the background.

Each of the three girls that made dresses on their own, Srey Roth, Mala, Sochea, had to stand up with their dresses in front of all of us while Nicole investigated them for quality control issues and then they were presented with their certificates. Each of the three girls graduated from the level 1 dress-making and will now move on to a different skill set. After those of that had gifts for the girls gave them our gifts it was time for the girls to go home. We all cried because this will be our last real goodbye before we leave. We might see them tomorrow just for a few minutes but this was much more intimate than tomorrow will be. Some of us played cards for a little bit since we were so wound up from saying good bye to the girls. It was very nice to just sit and relax and laugh for a little while before bed.

The thought that today is our last full day here makes me unbelievably sad. At first the time went kind of slowly and it felt like we had been here for quite some time. Now it seems as though the last week has flown by! I’m not ready to leave yet. I’m ready to get home to see Lola but I’m not ready to leave the girls. I just wish I had more time here. I know that I have touched their lives, but I want to have time to convey to them just how valued they are and how much God loves them. Some of the daughters still have not committed their lives to Jesus yet and I wish that I had time to show them how amazing His love is and how it can help you get through anything (as I'm learning on this trip). I truly hope that one day in the near future I get to return to this beautiful country with these amazingly wonderful and loving people.

Fun and Games

This morning I awoke to the sound of Buddhist monks chanting through my window for a funeral in the pagoda that is behind our hotel. This will continue for the next seven days, so for every morning that we are here we will be awoken at 5am to the sound of chanting. It’s not necessarily going to be a restful trip anymore.

Today was another workday, but with a twist…it was super hot!! I mean in this country I shouldn’t have been surprised, but for some reason I was. We were working on painting the outside of the house so I guess I figured that it wouldn’t be as hot since there was the potential for there to be a breeze. I was sadly mistaken. There was hardly any breeze and it was super humid. We got two coats of paint on the outside of the house and the columns around the house. The good thing about being outside in the heat was that the paint dried very quickly so it made it easier to put the two coats on in the amount of time that we had. We got done and started to clean up with the understanding that lunch would be at 12pm and we would be picked up at 1pm. This was not the case. Lunch was closer to 1pm and we didn’t leave until 1:30pm. Lunch was wonderful as usual. We had fried rice, spring rolls, vegetable soup, and bread.

Walking along the road back to our hotel.

Josh, Joe, Mary Beth and I decided to walk back to the hotel since it was a relatively short walk, only about 30 minutes. We started on our trek down the river road. Along our way we talked to a Cambodian man that had lived in Seattle, Washington. We didn’t have much time to talk to him, but I tried to infer from what he was saying to us that he had escaped the Khmer Rouge and made his way to the United States. He said that he had done a little bit of everything while he was there. He has been back in Cambodia for the past three years. I think it’s very interesting that he moved back, but I could understand why if you grew up here and wanted to continue to raise your family here. We then continued our journey. As we got to the main road we saw a dark grey sky. It looked as though it might rain on us before we made it back to the hotel. We made it about ¾ of the way to the hotel and then it started to down pour on us!! The rain was coming down in huge drops and very fast. We got drenched!!

Before we jumped in the pool.

As soon as we got back to the hotel all of four of us just jumped into the pool with all of our paint clothes on. It was so much fun! I didn’t bring a bathing suit so I’ve been swimming in my shorts and a tank top anyways, but this was just so carefree and joyful! I loved it! We played in the pool for a little bit and then it was time for me to rest a little bit. Originally, we were going to go to the Russian Market again, but with the torrential downpour we thought it was best to save that for Thursday. I’ve spent the afternoon napping and relaxing. We had dinner at Pop’s Café again. The best Italian restaurant in the world. It was amazing!! Afterwards, we went back to the hotel and played Uno and Cutthroat Uno. It was amazing!!!!! We had so much fun just goofing around and playing games. At one point one of the rules during Cutthroat Uno we had to sing everything that we said. I just didn’t talk since I don’t sing in public. It was all pretty funny!

Today was the first time that I really just let myself go and have a completely carefree time. I just played and didn’t care about what it would be like or what people would think of me. I have really enjoyed getting to know my team. I’m not ready to go home yet. I kind of wish that the trip was three weeks or a month. If it were that long then I feel like we would get a lot more accomplished. I think we could have done less tourist stuff and more work around their house or spending time with the girls. I’m really going to miss them when I get home. I really hope that there will be another opportunity for me to come here and spend time with them. The girls are so amazing. As some of their stories have come out over the duration of the trip, it makes me think so much higher of them and I didn’t think that would be possible. They have been through so much and yet they are still so positive. Americans could take note from the way they are. They have such a beautiful spirit! God has blessed them with a forgiving heart. That is definitely something that I could learn from. I hold a grudge for so long. Hatred and anger take up so much space in your heart; so much more space than love and joy. I want to have a forgiving heart.

Work, Work, Work...

Today was our first real work day. We traveled to the Daughters' house to do some small projects around the house. Well we thought they would be small projects. A couple from Common Ground, the Beringers, are going to be coming to live with the girls and work with the girls for the next several years. There is a small make-shift apartment on the first floor of the house. It hasn't been cleaned or painted in a very long time. Our job was to take out all of the furniture and items in the rooms (the two interns that have been here have been living in that room and will move back into the room when we're done), wipe down the walls and paint. We started taking everything out. That was easy. Then came the part about wiping down the walls. This was easy, just a little more complicated than it needed to be.

Wiping down the walls in the apartment.

The windows were horribly dirty!!! So we're still wiping...

First we had to find buckets for water. That took us scavenging around the property to find pails. We finally found them. The next step was to find rags. They had some towels, but Theary decided it would be a better idea to go by second-hand cloths to use instead, since that would be cheaper than replacing the towels. We finally got the cloths and it was time to wipe down the walls. Another easy step in the process. After that was done we each wrote a Bible passage or two on the walls in marker to bless the home where the Beringers will be living. This was a great idea until we got to the paint. We had no pans to roll out paint or cups to hold paint while we trimmed so there was another scavenger hunt involved. We found stuff and got started. The paint when you went to dip it out had the consistency of pudding. This made us all really excited because we thought we would only need one coat. Oh boy was I surprised when I went to trim the door and it was like painting with water colors. It took us the whole morning to paint the two small rooms of that apartment and you can still see some of the Bible passages through the layers of paint. The room does look much nicer and much more clean now that it has a new coat of paint; it just took much, much longer than expected. After awhile of painting, I needed a break so I spent time with Srey Nouch.

Little Srey Nouch and me.

Her oldest sister is apart of the Daughters Project. Their family is in extreme poverty so Tida, Srey Di (another sister) and Srey Nouch have been living at the Daughters house for a little while now. Srey Nouch is so unbelievably smart. She catches onto things very quickly and wants to practice her English whenever she can.

Making friendship bracelets with Srey Nouch.

We spent the afternoon making friendship bracelets. After we were done with that it was time for lunch. Some of the girls that work at Theary's house and some of the girls who live at the orphanage down the road made us an amazing lunch. They made us noodles, vegetables, fried chicken, some type of beef, and they also brought us fruit plates. We were all very full by the end of lunch. After lunch it was time to go back to the hotel so that the interns would have their space back in order to hold Kids Club. Kids Club is when the children that live in that neighborhood can come and play games and do crafts. It supports a sense of community in that area. We did a little swimming at the hotel pool and then it was time for me to take a nap. We finished up the night at a cute little French restaurant more downtown in Phnom Penh. It was amazing food! I'm glad we ended such a fun day with such an amazing meal!

While we were swimming in the pool, I had a really wonderful conversation with the ladies on the trip. I have a lot on my heart and mind right now. A lot of what they said has given me some clarity into what my next steps should be. I have always tried to take the easiest path in a situation, instead of doing what's best for all involved. I think this time around it's time to wise up and put faith in God that He is pushing me down the path He wants me on and because of that He will support me no matter what. Because I am so scientifically minded I have such a hard time just having faith. That is definitely something that I need to work on and need to pray about. I truly believe that God is working on my heart this trip for so many reasons.

The Constant Dichotomy of This Country

This morning we went to the Island Church. It was a completely different experience from the New Life Church we went to last Sunday.

The boat that we took to the island.

The Island Church.

It was much more traditional than the other church. We were a little late because we got a late start and then the drive to the church was pretty long. We had to take a boat across the river to get to the church. I really thought the boat was going to tip over. When we got there the church was full, but the Cambodians made room for us so we could sit inside the church. They are such an unbelievably hospitable people. No matter what they want us to be comfortable and taken care of. We did a lot of worship, all in Khmai, which was pretty interesting. There was another group from the United States that was there at church with us. Each of our groups had to get up in front of the church and introduce ourselves and then we sang a song. We sang “Amazing Grace”. I absolutely love that song! Then the leader of the other group gave the sermon. I didn’t agree with the message that was conveyed. It was about what you would need to do in order to be loved by God. I feel like we need to love everyone, no matter what. Jesus loved us all regardless of our background. There are no strings attached for God’s love. The speaker didn’t convey that message very well. After that we took a tour of the island.

One of the babies on the island.

I thought I was hot the other day, but today was way worse. We were so hot that I didn’t think I would ever survive. We didn’t really know why we were walking around the island either. It was nice seeing the countryside, but it was just so very hot. When we got back to the church it was time to load the boat and head back into town. We went to Sorya, their version of a mall. It was very overwhelming. It is a 5-story building with different things on each floor. The top floor was a skating rink and a movie theater. The fourth floor was a restaurant and the food court. The third floor was bootlegged DVDs and CDs, as well as other electronics. The next floor down was shoes and purses and the first floor was cosmetics and some clothes. It was a very interesting experience. We had lunch at a pizza place on the fourth floor. I looked at the shoes, but nothing was really worth looking at for longer than a quick glance. After lunch, we took a ride in a tuk tuk to the "Russian Market".

Me and Clarissa on the tuk tuk on the way to the Russian Market.

Me in the market.

It was a lot like a black market in the US. There were stalls of goods everywhere. I did the last of my shopping there. The walkways were small, with young children sleeping on blankets in the entryway of some of the stalls. We all had to barter for the best prices. It was a lot of fun, even though it was hot and the stench of sweat and rotting food overwhelmed my senses. Overall, it was a pretty good experience. Then it was finally time to go back to the hotel and rest a little bit. We ate dinner at the hotel and had a very nice team meeting.

I am connecting a lot with my team here. They are all so unbelievably understanding and so helpful. None of them judge me for the candid nature with which I talk to them. We have all opened up a lot to one another about our struggles in our own lives, here and when we're back at home. We spent our team meeting talking about how we were processing things and how we were feeling about all of the things that we have seen and done here. I have had a very hard time trusting in God and trusting in my group that they will not judge me for the things that I share or the opinions I express. But God has proven to me that I can trust in those around me and that surrounding myself with other people that truly know God or seek to know God is something that I truly need in my life. This trip came at a perfect time for me! It is giving me a break from my normal routine to realize what it is that is truly and deeply important to me and what steps I need to take next on God's path for my life.

A Day of Fellowship

I have walked with the poor and felt their pain. I will never go a day without thinking of their suffering and trying to find a way to end it.

I find myself reflecting on yet another day that was set in such a way that the early afternoon was wonderfully chipper and happy, followed by a short period of time that was unbelievably sad. We had some time to think and process this morning before we really got into our day. This was good for all of since yesterday was such a hard day emotionally and psychologically. After our time of reflection, we met with the girls for the 45-minute bus ride to what is their version of a zoo. We played a lot of silly hand games while we were on the bus. Phala, one of the younger girls, really likes to take pictures, so a few of us let her play with our point-and-shoot cameras while we were traveling. Needless to say, I got some pretty interesting pictures out of the whole experience. When we got there we set up for lunch. It was essentially like a Cambodian cookout.

The platforms that we ate lunch on.

We had 5 platforms where a group of us would eat our lunch. They had a few hammocks for each platform, which was very relaxing. We sat and played games with the girls until the food was ready.

Game time with the girls.

Many of the games we played I hadn’t played since I was a little girl. We sang them a few songs and then it was time for the food. We had chicken and rice. Then they brought us soup that they had made out of the feet and heads of the chicken. It was like chicken stock, but I just couldn’t bring myself to eat it. It was absolutely horrid looking. The girls love it so they ate most of it. Mam San kept trying to get Brandie to eat, but she was good with just a little bit of rice and bread (she doesn’t like to eat meat off the bone). After we were done eating, we got to celebrate Chanty’s birthday.

Chanty with her birthday hat on.

Many of the girls did not know their birthdates when they came into the program. Because of this, Chris has spent time giving each of them their own special date. Also, many of them have never had a birthday party before; this was Chanty’s first. She had two cakes and we had quite the time lighting the candles because the wind was blowing so strongly. We all sang “Happy Birthday” to her and then the girls surprised us all with silly string. It was so wonderful to see everyone laughing and smiling. The girls were having such a wonderful time. After we got done with everything it was time to walk around the “zoo”. It was very similar to our zoo in that it had animal exhibits, but it was very different. Monkeys were running free everywhere and there were no distinct pathways, just dirt roads. The girls had a blast! We got to feed monkeys and see a sun bear. We also got to see way more pythons than I ever really wanted to see in my lifetime. Chanty has a wonderful, serving soul. Every time the bus stopped, she would try to give us all water or see if we needed anything. The day was supposed to be about here but she wanted to make sure that everyone else was alright. When we finally loaded up the bus after we walked around, it was time for the sadder part of the day. On the road driving into/out of the “zoo”, there are elderly people that have been dropped off by their families to beg for money. They line the street (and it is definitely not a short one), waiting for travelers in the hopes that they will have mercy on them and give them money. Chris gave each of us, the girls included, money to give to the elderly people. He wanted the girls to experience the joy that you can bring to the lives of others in need. It was interesting hearing some of the elderly people’s stories. Some have children who can provide for them, but won’t. Others have lost everything and begging is all they can do. The pain and sorrow in their eyes was enough to break your soul. I can’t imagine just taking my grandparents and dropping them off to beg for money. I think that my grandpa would have rather died than to do that, but here it is what they do. They don’t have a choice. It is either beg and eat or don’t and starve. It was very meaningful for the girls, especially because many of them come from the alley and don’t have anything either. The beggars seemed to have a great response for the girls as well. They enjoyed exchanging stories and the beggars were so unbelievably grateful for the help they had just received. There was a happy and sad component to this part of our journey. Helping them and seeing how the girls reacted to them and them to the girls, was a fantastic experience. But knowing that their families could just drop them off and not worry about them, except to worry if they were going to bring in any money that day, was horribly sad. I can’t even imagine how I would feel if someone dropped me off to beg for money for food. I did a lot of reflecting and thinking on the way back to the hotel.

When we got back to the hotel it was time to get ready for dinner. The dinner that we went to tonight was a restaurant that modeled the typical Khmai way of eating. We all sat on the floor and passed around dishes of food. The food was amazing and we had a lot of fun just relaxing on the floor. We laughed and joked, as is usual for meal times for our team. We all have gotten along really well so far on this trip and I only hope that it continues that way. Tonight is an early night for us because we have to be up so early to go to the Island Church tomorrow. Tomorrow will be another time for reflection, prayer and processing.