My First Experience with Frustration

So I'm sitting at my aunt's house and I find myself a bit frustrated. As my group knows, I met with quite a lot of resistance when I told people that I wanted to go on a vision trip to Cambodia. There were two people that didn't want me to go and verbalized it when others kept their silence. My aunt was one of those people (apparently being an aunt makes people a little more protective or opinionated since it was my great-aunt that sent me the letter that I blogged about earlier). I walked into my aunt's house and I looked her in the eye and said that I made it home in one piece. She looked at me and said, "I don't care to hear anything about it." I just sat in shock and a little bit of anger. Questions began racing through my head: How can a family member not wonder how my trip went and what I did? How can someone hide from what is going on there?

I guess the fact that people can't face the truth really makes me wonder about the human condition. Maybe I am an inquisitive person who just likes to know what's going on in the world. Maybe I'm overly concerned with women's and children's issues. Maybe I'm a person that likes to help in situations that I might not ever see the end to. Some might say that I am fighting an uphill battle. I would look them in the eye and say, "Yes I am but so was Jesus. I am not going to turn away from what God calls me to do because it is a difficult journey." I want people to know what's going on in Cambodia. I want people to know the atrocities and crimes against humanity that are occurring there. People need to know and not just turn a blind eye to what's truly going on. If people hide from the truth, then nothing will ever change.

So to all you ostriches out there, pull your head out of the sand and look around. You might not be able to change the world for everyone, but I can assure you that there are plenty of beautiful people out there that you CAN make an impact on. I've been there and I can tell you that there are a handful of beautiful young, women who could use some support and love. Listen to God's call for you; I promise you he doesn't want you to just sit on the sidelines of life watching. He wants you to be a contender in the game.

Time for Travel

In all honesty, I'm not ready to go home. I'm ready to see Lola, but I'm not ready to leave the beautiful people that I have met here and the amazing country of Cambodia. We actually had a pretty full day here today. After breakfast we traveled to the Russian Market to do some last minute shopping. I had just a few more things to get. That doesn't necessarily mean that I had the space for them, but I got them anyways. While we were in downtown Phnom Penh, we ate at a cute little cafe that looked more like it should be found in the middle of Europe than in the middle of Cambodia.

Joni and I at Cafe Yejj.

It was a very nice lunch with fellowship and jokes. After lunch we made our way back to the hotel to finish packing and just relax. It was definitely my nap time. Knowing that the next two days will consist only of sleeping on planes or airport benches, a bed seemed like a pretty good idea. The group shared one last real meal together, which ended up being pretty funny. Nicole and I ordered the exact same thing, as did some other people in the group. We had ordered ours first, but our order went to the other table. This was all well and good until Nicole got her plate and it was most definitely not fried rice with chicken. It looked as if it were fried rice with ham lunch meat. The raisins that were mixed in didn't quite help the situation either. We ended up scavenging off other people's leftovers. I ended up fairly full given my lack of an entree. Now it was time to pack the bags into the van and be on our way. On the way to the airport, Mary Beth "MB" Kohart decided to grace us with one last set of songs over the mic. We sang a bunch of show tunes with some classic 80s mixed in. The great part about it was that we only knew a verse or two and the chorus. Let's just say we made it through her "set list" and more in the time we were on the bus. After going through check-in and security, we made our way to the sugary, sweet goodness that was waiting for us on the other side...DQ! Who would've thought there would be a Dairy Queen in the Cambodian airport, but there was and it was great!

Me with my Cambodian small Blizzard. In Cambodia everything is actually portioned correctly instead of our huge American portions...no wonder they are all so tiny here!

Soon we boarded the flight and were off. Now I'm sitting in the Korean airport waiting for the longest leg of our journey to begin...the 13 hour flight from Seoul to Chicago. Oh joy! But on the other end of this trip is my baby girl and my family waiting for me!!

Our Last Full Day

We woke up this morning to the sounds of chanting and funeral music. During breakfast I had a really great talk with Nicole. It was definitely a perfect way to end the trip. It really helped me process some of the last things that I wanted to think about on this trip. After breakfast we all went to the Daughters house to spend some time in the neighborhood. We got there and walked through the muddy streets to the neighborhood school. The Cambodians put mud on the streets to “make them better”. This actually just makes them worse. The streets without the mud are in much better condition than when they put the mud on them. When we arrived at the school all of the children were out of their classrooms within three minutes. It was so much fun to play with them. We all circled up and did the wave and then we sang the chicken song.

Singing the chicken song.

Trying to make Srey Nouch sing the chicken song.

It was so much fun! Srey Phala, Srey Nouch and Srey Di all came to give us hugs and tell us hello and that they had missed us. After the teachers finally got their students back in their classrooms, we were able to sit down with the administrator of the school and ask him questions, with Theary’s help of course. He told us that teachers starting out only make $50 a month and after 30 years they will make $75 a month. There are anywhere between 20 and 40 students for each teacher. After we were done with the school we continued to walk along the river road to see the homes and to visit a home where they made scarves. Then it was time to go back to the Daughters house. When we arrived there we actually walked down to an orphanage that Theary and her husband own.

One of the babies at the orphanage.

It was so very nice compared to the other orphanages that we have seen, and honestly just in general it was very nice. They had some very cute kids there. Then it was time for lunch! Lunch at the Daughters house is amazing. We had friend rice, soup, spring rolls and fruit. When we finished lunch, some of us went to the hotel and swam or napped. I organized my clothes a little bit and then sat by the pool. When it came time to go back to the house it was in the middle of another torrential downpour. We had so much fun playing with the kids in the rain whenever we finally made it back to the house. Clarissa and Ashton were hosting Kids Club for the neighborhood kids. We played games and had the kids tie dye t-shirts. The girls had taught all the kids about Joseph and his coat of many colors yesterday so this was the art lesson to go along with it.

My station was the green station. It was soooooo much fun!

There were approximately 60 kids from the neighborhood there. It was an amazing time! Then we had a dance party in the rain with the kids. I can't convey just how much fun I had. The yard was full of kids just playing and dancing in the rain. Then we got cookies for the kids and it was time for us to leave. I wish we had spent more time with the neighborhood kids because today was so much fun! It's almost like the trip needs to be three weeks: one week of vision stuff and cultural immersion stuff and then two weeks of work and spending time with the kids. After some time to shower, we all had dinner at the hotel restaurant. All the daughters came over when we were done so we could present the three girls that made dresses by themselves with certificates. We played games with the girls and were just being silly before we did the presentation.

Me with Srey Roth, Sokpea, and Mala with Saran in the background.

Each of the three girls that made dresses on their own, Srey Roth, Mala, Sochea, had to stand up with their dresses in front of all of us while Nicole investigated them for quality control issues and then they were presented with their certificates. Each of the three girls graduated from the level 1 dress-making and will now move on to a different skill set. After those of that had gifts for the girls gave them our gifts it was time for the girls to go home. We all cried because this will be our last real goodbye before we leave. We might see them tomorrow just for a few minutes but this was much more intimate than tomorrow will be. Some of us played cards for a little bit since we were so wound up from saying good bye to the girls. It was very nice to just sit and relax and laugh for a little while before bed.

The thought that today is our last full day here makes me unbelievably sad. At first the time went kind of slowly and it felt like we had been here for quite some time. Now it seems as though the last week has flown by! I’m not ready to leave yet. I’m ready to get home to see Lola but I’m not ready to leave the girls. I just wish I had more time here. I know that I have touched their lives, but I want to have time to convey to them just how valued they are and how much God loves them. Some of the daughters still have not committed their lives to Jesus yet and I wish that I had time to show them how amazing His love is and how it can help you get through anything (as I'm learning on this trip). I truly hope that one day in the near future I get to return to this beautiful country with these amazingly wonderful and loving people.

Fun and Games

This morning I awoke to the sound of Buddhist monks chanting through my window for a funeral in the pagoda that is behind our hotel. This will continue for the next seven days, so for every morning that we are here we will be awoken at 5am to the sound of chanting. It’s not necessarily going to be a restful trip anymore.

Today was another workday, but with a twist…it was super hot!! I mean in this country I shouldn’t have been surprised, but for some reason I was. We were working on painting the outside of the house so I guess I figured that it wouldn’t be as hot since there was the potential for there to be a breeze. I was sadly mistaken. There was hardly any breeze and it was super humid. We got two coats of paint on the outside of the house and the columns around the house. The good thing about being outside in the heat was that the paint dried very quickly so it made it easier to put the two coats on in the amount of time that we had. We got done and started to clean up with the understanding that lunch would be at 12pm and we would be picked up at 1pm. This was not the case. Lunch was closer to 1pm and we didn’t leave until 1:30pm. Lunch was wonderful as usual. We had fried rice, spring rolls, vegetable soup, and bread.

Walking along the road back to our hotel.

Josh, Joe, Mary Beth and I decided to walk back to the hotel since it was a relatively short walk, only about 30 minutes. We started on our trek down the river road. Along our way we talked to a Cambodian man that had lived in Seattle, Washington. We didn’t have much time to talk to him, but I tried to infer from what he was saying to us that he had escaped the Khmer Rouge and made his way to the United States. He said that he had done a little bit of everything while he was there. He has been back in Cambodia for the past three years. I think it’s very interesting that he moved back, but I could understand why if you grew up here and wanted to continue to raise your family here. We then continued our journey. As we got to the main road we saw a dark grey sky. It looked as though it might rain on us before we made it back to the hotel. We made it about ¾ of the way to the hotel and then it started to down pour on us!! The rain was coming down in huge drops and very fast. We got drenched!!

Before we jumped in the pool.

As soon as we got back to the hotel all of four of us just jumped into the pool with all of our paint clothes on. It was so much fun! I didn’t bring a bathing suit so I’ve been swimming in my shorts and a tank top anyways, but this was just so carefree and joyful! I loved it! We played in the pool for a little bit and then it was time for me to rest a little bit. Originally, we were going to go to the Russian Market again, but with the torrential downpour we thought it was best to save that for Thursday. I’ve spent the afternoon napping and relaxing. We had dinner at Pop’s Café again. The best Italian restaurant in the world. It was amazing!! Afterwards, we went back to the hotel and played Uno and Cutthroat Uno. It was amazing!!!!! We had so much fun just goofing around and playing games. At one point one of the rules during Cutthroat Uno we had to sing everything that we said. I just didn’t talk since I don’t sing in public. It was all pretty funny!

Today was the first time that I really just let myself go and have a completely carefree time. I just played and didn’t care about what it would be like or what people would think of me. I have really enjoyed getting to know my team. I’m not ready to go home yet. I kind of wish that the trip was three weeks or a month. If it were that long then I feel like we would get a lot more accomplished. I think we could have done less tourist stuff and more work around their house or spending time with the girls. I’m really going to miss them when I get home. I really hope that there will be another opportunity for me to come here and spend time with them. The girls are so amazing. As some of their stories have come out over the duration of the trip, it makes me think so much higher of them and I didn’t think that would be possible. They have been through so much and yet they are still so positive. Americans could take note from the way they are. They have such a beautiful spirit! God has blessed them with a forgiving heart. That is definitely something that I could learn from. I hold a grudge for so long. Hatred and anger take up so much space in your heart; so much more space than love and joy. I want to have a forgiving heart.

Work, Work, Work...

Today was our first real work day. We traveled to the Daughters' house to do some small projects around the house. Well we thought they would be small projects. A couple from Common Ground, the Beringers, are going to be coming to live with the girls and work with the girls for the next several years. There is a small make-shift apartment on the first floor of the house. It hasn't been cleaned or painted in a very long time. Our job was to take out all of the furniture and items in the rooms (the two interns that have been here have been living in that room and will move back into the room when we're done), wipe down the walls and paint. We started taking everything out. That was easy. Then came the part about wiping down the walls. This was easy, just a little more complicated than it needed to be.

Wiping down the walls in the apartment.

The windows were horribly dirty!!! So we're still wiping...

First we had to find buckets for water. That took us scavenging around the property to find pails. We finally found them. The next step was to find rags. They had some towels, but Theary decided it would be a better idea to go by second-hand cloths to use instead, since that would be cheaper than replacing the towels. We finally got the cloths and it was time to wipe down the walls. Another easy step in the process. After that was done we each wrote a Bible passage or two on the walls in marker to bless the home where the Beringers will be living. This was a great idea until we got to the paint. We had no pans to roll out paint or cups to hold paint while we trimmed so there was another scavenger hunt involved. We found stuff and got started. The paint when you went to dip it out had the consistency of pudding. This made us all really excited because we thought we would only need one coat. Oh boy was I surprised when I went to trim the door and it was like painting with water colors. It took us the whole morning to paint the two small rooms of that apartment and you can still see some of the Bible passages through the layers of paint. The room does look much nicer and much more clean now that it has a new coat of paint; it just took much, much longer than expected. After awhile of painting, I needed a break so I spent time with Srey Nouch.

Little Srey Nouch and me.

Her oldest sister is apart of the Daughters Project. Their family is in extreme poverty so Tida, Srey Di (another sister) and Srey Nouch have been living at the Daughters house for a little while now. Srey Nouch is so unbelievably smart. She catches onto things very quickly and wants to practice her English whenever she can.

Making friendship bracelets with Srey Nouch.

We spent the afternoon making friendship bracelets. After we were done with that it was time for lunch. Some of the girls that work at Theary's house and some of the girls who live at the orphanage down the road made us an amazing lunch. They made us noodles, vegetables, fried chicken, some type of beef, and they also brought us fruit plates. We were all very full by the end of lunch. After lunch it was time to go back to the hotel so that the interns would have their space back in order to hold Kids Club. Kids Club is when the children that live in that neighborhood can come and play games and do crafts. It supports a sense of community in that area. We did a little swimming at the hotel pool and then it was time for me to take a nap. We finished up the night at a cute little French restaurant more downtown in Phnom Penh. It was amazing food! I'm glad we ended such a fun day with such an amazing meal!

While we were swimming in the pool, I had a really wonderful conversation with the ladies on the trip. I have a lot on my heart and mind right now. A lot of what they said has given me some clarity into what my next steps should be. I have always tried to take the easiest path in a situation, instead of doing what's best for all involved. I think this time around it's time to wise up and put faith in God that He is pushing me down the path He wants me on and because of that He will support me no matter what. Because I am so scientifically minded I have such a hard time just having faith. That is definitely something that I need to work on and need to pray about. I truly believe that God is working on my heart this trip for so many reasons.

The Constant Dichotomy of This Country

This morning we went to the Island Church. It was a completely different experience from the New Life Church we went to last Sunday.

The boat that we took to the island.

The Island Church.

It was much more traditional than the other church. We were a little late because we got a late start and then the drive to the church was pretty long. We had to take a boat across the river to get to the church. I really thought the boat was going to tip over. When we got there the church was full, but the Cambodians made room for us so we could sit inside the church. They are such an unbelievably hospitable people. No matter what they want us to be comfortable and taken care of. We did a lot of worship, all in Khmai, which was pretty interesting. There was another group from the United States that was there at church with us. Each of our groups had to get up in front of the church and introduce ourselves and then we sang a song. We sang “Amazing Grace”. I absolutely love that song! Then the leader of the other group gave the sermon. I didn’t agree with the message that was conveyed. It was about what you would need to do in order to be loved by God. I feel like we need to love everyone, no matter what. Jesus loved us all regardless of our background. There are no strings attached for God’s love. The speaker didn’t convey that message very well. After that we took a tour of the island.

One of the babies on the island.

I thought I was hot the other day, but today was way worse. We were so hot that I didn’t think I would ever survive. We didn’t really know why we were walking around the island either. It was nice seeing the countryside, but it was just so very hot. When we got back to the church it was time to load the boat and head back into town. We went to Sorya, their version of a mall. It was very overwhelming. It is a 5-story building with different things on each floor. The top floor was a skating rink and a movie theater. The fourth floor was a restaurant and the food court. The third floor was bootlegged DVDs and CDs, as well as other electronics. The next floor down was shoes and purses and the first floor was cosmetics and some clothes. It was a very interesting experience. We had lunch at a pizza place on the fourth floor. I looked at the shoes, but nothing was really worth looking at for longer than a quick glance. After lunch, we took a ride in a tuk tuk to the "Russian Market".

Me and Clarissa on the tuk tuk on the way to the Russian Market.

Me in the market.

It was a lot like a black market in the US. There were stalls of goods everywhere. I did the last of my shopping there. The walkways were small, with young children sleeping on blankets in the entryway of some of the stalls. We all had to barter for the best prices. It was a lot of fun, even though it was hot and the stench of sweat and rotting food overwhelmed my senses. Overall, it was a pretty good experience. Then it was finally time to go back to the hotel and rest a little bit. We ate dinner at the hotel and had a very nice team meeting.

I am connecting a lot with my team here. They are all so unbelievably understanding and so helpful. None of them judge me for the candid nature with which I talk to them. We have all opened up a lot to one another about our struggles in our own lives, here and when we're back at home. We spent our team meeting talking about how we were processing things and how we were feeling about all of the things that we have seen and done here. I have had a very hard time trusting in God and trusting in my group that they will not judge me for the things that I share or the opinions I express. But God has proven to me that I can trust in those around me and that surrounding myself with other people that truly know God or seek to know God is something that I truly need in my life. This trip came at a perfect time for me! It is giving me a break from my normal routine to realize what it is that is truly and deeply important to me and what steps I need to take next on God's path for my life.

A Day of Fellowship

I have walked with the poor and felt their pain. I will never go a day without thinking of their suffering and trying to find a way to end it.

I find myself reflecting on yet another day that was set in such a way that the early afternoon was wonderfully chipper and happy, followed by a short period of time that was unbelievably sad. We had some time to think and process this morning before we really got into our day. This was good for all of since yesterday was such a hard day emotionally and psychologically. After our time of reflection, we met with the girls for the 45-minute bus ride to what is their version of a zoo. We played a lot of silly hand games while we were on the bus. Phala, one of the younger girls, really likes to take pictures, so a few of us let her play with our point-and-shoot cameras while we were traveling. Needless to say, I got some pretty interesting pictures out of the whole experience. When we got there we set up for lunch. It was essentially like a Cambodian cookout.

The platforms that we ate lunch on.

We had 5 platforms where a group of us would eat our lunch. They had a few hammocks for each platform, which was very relaxing. We sat and played games with the girls until the food was ready.

Game time with the girls.

Many of the games we played I hadn’t played since I was a little girl. We sang them a few songs and then it was time for the food. We had chicken and rice. Then they brought us soup that they had made out of the feet and heads of the chicken. It was like chicken stock, but I just couldn’t bring myself to eat it. It was absolutely horrid looking. The girls love it so they ate most of it. Mam San kept trying to get Brandie to eat, but she was good with just a little bit of rice and bread (she doesn’t like to eat meat off the bone). After we were done eating, we got to celebrate Chanty’s birthday.

Chanty with her birthday hat on.

Many of the girls did not know their birthdates when they came into the program. Because of this, Chris has spent time giving each of them their own special date. Also, many of them have never had a birthday party before; this was Chanty’s first. She had two cakes and we had quite the time lighting the candles because the wind was blowing so strongly. We all sang “Happy Birthday” to her and then the girls surprised us all with silly string. It was so wonderful to see everyone laughing and smiling. The girls were having such a wonderful time. After we got done with everything it was time to walk around the “zoo”. It was very similar to our zoo in that it had animal exhibits, but it was very different. Monkeys were running free everywhere and there were no distinct pathways, just dirt roads. The girls had a blast! We got to feed monkeys and see a sun bear. We also got to see way more pythons than I ever really wanted to see in my lifetime. Chanty has a wonderful, serving soul. Every time the bus stopped, she would try to give us all water or see if we needed anything. The day was supposed to be about here but she wanted to make sure that everyone else was alright. When we finally loaded up the bus after we walked around, it was time for the sadder part of the day. On the road driving into/out of the “zoo”, there are elderly people that have been dropped off by their families to beg for money. They line the street (and it is definitely not a short one), waiting for travelers in the hopes that they will have mercy on them and give them money. Chris gave each of us, the girls included, money to give to the elderly people. He wanted the girls to experience the joy that you can bring to the lives of others in need. It was interesting hearing some of the elderly people’s stories. Some have children who can provide for them, but won’t. Others have lost everything and begging is all they can do. The pain and sorrow in their eyes was enough to break your soul. I can’t imagine just taking my grandparents and dropping them off to beg for money. I think that my grandpa would have rather died than to do that, but here it is what they do. They don’t have a choice. It is either beg and eat or don’t and starve. It was very meaningful for the girls, especially because many of them come from the alley and don’t have anything either. The beggars seemed to have a great response for the girls as well. They enjoyed exchanging stories and the beggars were so unbelievably grateful for the help they had just received. There was a happy and sad component to this part of our journey. Helping them and seeing how the girls reacted to them and them to the girls, was a fantastic experience. But knowing that their families could just drop them off and not worry about them, except to worry if they were going to bring in any money that day, was horribly sad. I can’t even imagine how I would feel if someone dropped me off to beg for money for food. I did a lot of reflecting and thinking on the way back to the hotel.

When we got back to the hotel it was time to get ready for dinner. The dinner that we went to tonight was a restaurant that modeled the typical Khmai way of eating. We all sat on the floor and passed around dishes of food. The food was amazing and we had a lot of fun just relaxing on the floor. We laughed and joked, as is usual for meal times for our team. We all have gotten along really well so far on this trip and I only hope that it continues that way. Tonight is an early night for us because we have to be up so early to go to the Island Church tomorrow. Tomorrow will be another time for reflection, prayer and processing.

A Stark Contrast

Today was a very interesting day for me. I felt like the morning and afternoon were in stark contrast to one another. One was very somber and emotionally draining. The other was revitalizing. Each carried with it its own sense of importance and its own spiritual connection.

In the morning we went to S-21/Tuol Sleng and to Cheoung Ek Killing Field. S-21 was a place where they tortured and killed a number of people. They used any means necessary to get the prisoners to confess to the crimes that they had committed (or in actuality had not committed at all truly).

One of the prisoners of S-21 and her baby.

A prisoner found dead in the hall of one of the buildings.

Many of S-21 had been left just the way that it was when they found it in 1979. The beds that the prisoners were chained to were in the same place where the prisoner had died on them. The ghosts in that place were very heavy. Visiting here did not get to me as much as visiting Cheoung Ek. After we had looked around the buildings of S-21 we loaded the bus and made the trek to Cheoung Ek. This was another site of mass execution and torture. Torture was not performed here as much as execution was.

Teeth found as the ground is washed away during the rainy season.

Skulls from the mass graves.

Between 1975 and 1979 17,000 Cambodians were brutally executed and put in mass graves. Approximately 8,900 bodies have been exhumed from the mass graves. Many are still closed as a memorial to those that suffered the tragedies that occurred there. The largest mass grave held 450 bodies. There were also mass graves that had headless bodies found in them, as well as one for women and children that were found completely naked. The thing that upset me most here was the Killing Tree.

The Killing Tree

The Killing Tree is where they took babies and killed them. For the sake of anyone reading this blog I will not describe what they did to them. It was traumatic enough to see the painting that someone did as a rendition of what would have happened there. That is when I broke down. The thought of someone ripping my child from my hands and taking them to that tree to be brutally murdered made me unbelievably upset. Children don’t know what their ideology is yet, so how can they even know what’s going on. They couldn’t have known. It just makes me unbelievably sad. Pol Pot committed mass genocide against his own people and still no one knows what the reasoning is behind what he did. It took a lot to process Cheoung Ek and I feel as though I’ll still be processing it when I get home. I just pray for the survivors and for the souls of those that were brutally murdered there.

After the Kililng Fields, we traveled back into the city of Phnom Penh. We were a little rushed due to our late start so we opted to eat snacks on the bus so we could spend more time at the byTavi workshop and at the Daughters workshop. The byTavi project is truly a prevention project. It takes girls and woman that are in a position of extreme poverty and it teaches them how to make purses, totes, and other like items to give them an income. CGI believes that most families in extreme poverty are just one crisis away from trafficking one of their daughters. In order not to create an artificial crisis in the family by taking the daughter out of the income structure of the family, CGI supplements the family during the time that they are in training by giving the family $50 a month. This helps the families survive during the time when their daughters are not at home.

Sina and I in the Daughters workshop.

A baby whose mother works for byTavi.

We saw the workshop where they worked and we spent a lot of time buying bags to take home to our families. After we were done there were walked just two shops down to see the Daughters workshop. The girls were so excited to see us!! We each were greeted with huge hugs and smiles and “I missed you”. The smiles on their faces made me so much more emotionally recharged. I needed that after the morning that we had. I can’t stop smiling when I’m around them. They are all playing and being silly. I showed the girls pictures of Lola and they couldn’t believe that I had a baby. They all thought she was very beautiful. Chanty was being silly and picked me up. She pretended that she was rocking me like a baby.

Being around the girls brings a new energy into my life that I can’t describe properly in a blog post. They are so positive and carefree, something that many of us in the United States lack. I know I could take note of the way they live their lives and it would help me a lot. I need to slow down. Nothing here is on time and if it’s late no one worries about it. I’m always in a rush and it gets me nowhere but stressed out. I want my daughter to be around girls like them. Girls that don’t worry so much about what they look like, but what’s in their hearts. I can’t even begin to describe the amount of joy that I get when I’m around them. I couldn’t stop smiling yesterday; they made me smile so much that my face was hurting. I haven’t been that happy in a very, very long time (except when I’m with Lola. Nothing makes me happier than she does). I love all the girls that we are working with and all of the people on our team. Speaking of the team, I spent a great deal of breakfast opening up to them about what has been going on at home. I truly enjoy getting a new outlook on what I should do and what would be best for myself and for Lola. I’m glad this trip is making me look at things, instead of avoiding them, which is what I’m very good at doing.

We also got the chance to walk down the alley where some of the girls in the Daughters project have come from. It was an alley where homes were built on stilts out of small boards, planks, pieces of aluminum. Anything the people could find is what they would use.

One of the houses in the alley.

There was feces covering the streets. There was dirt and flies everywhere. The children were walking in it in their bare feet. The smell was horrible. I can't even describe the stench that came to our nostrils. We then met a man whose wife is an alcoholic and their baby has fetal alcohol syndrome. He was very angry because he had brought money home to feed the children and his wife had spent it on alcohol.

One of the children that live in the alley.

More of the children that live in the alley.

We then got some time to shower and get ready for dinner. We went to a very, very nice Italian restaurant. I probably had the best lasagna that I’ve ever eaten in my life. As we walked some of the group to a small pub where they were going to watch a band play and meet someone that is a business partner of Chris’, we saw young children sleeping on mats on the sidewalk. They were totally asleep and people were just walking by them. It made me so unbelievably sad to see them lying there. They had no choice in the circumstances into which they were born. They didn’t make that decision. They are innocent and yet they live in such horrible conditions. My heart aches for them and I just pray that they can come to find a better life.

Travel, Travel and More Travel

Today was another big travel day. We got up in the morning and went to ride on the bamboo train. It was a crazy experience.

Our "train"

This is how it works: You get onto a bamboo platform that has two axles. It also has a motor attached to it. They start the motor and off you go.

This kind of shows the "driver" with the motor.

The only problem with the bamboo train is that there is only one track for going and coming traffic. When one car gets close to another car, the car with less people jumps off, disassembles their car (since the bamboo platform and axles are not connected to each other by anything permanent), and pulls the pieces aside so the other train can pass. Once everything is clear the axles are put back on the track, the platform is put back on the axles, and the passengers hop back on and go. The people of Cambodia used to transport their rice this way. After we got our joy ride for the morning, we traveled up the mountain to one of the killing fields from the Pol Pot regime. We got to the bottom of the mountain, only to find out that the only way to get up to the top was to take a motor bike. This meant riding on the back of a moped/motorcycle up a steep hill. I was a little nervous about this but I was kind of excited too. Me and my moto driver. Kinda freaked out!

It was a fun experience and I'm really glad that we got to do that. We got to the top of the mountain and toured the mass grave. The soldiers would drop the people into the cave that we walked into, essentially turning it into a mass grave.

The cave that we walked down into to see the memorial and to learn more about the killing fields.

The Pol Pot regime killed many, many people and the effects of the killings are still felt today in many areas of Cambodia. We toured around the site and it had an amazing view of the valley. You could see for miles and miles. It was wonderful! God truly has created beauty in this country beyond my wildest dreams.

The view from the top of the mountain.

After that we had lunch at the Culinary Training Center. Josh will be staying there for the next few days to teach them and then he will join the group in Phnom Penh. Lunch was delicious! Originally they were supposed to make pizza, but the power was out in the city from 8am to 5pm so the only things that they could make were things that they could make on the stove. We had two different types of pasta with chicken wings and vegetables. The girls did a wonderful job! After our superb lunch, we had to board the bus and endure the 5 and a half our drive back to Phnom Penh. I did a lot of sleeping, reflecting and listening to some of the sermons on my iPod. We had a little change of plans too when we finally reached Phnom Penh. The power is out in the province where our original hotel is. Instead we are staying at a different, much nicer, hotel...sadly just for tonight. It's the only reason that I actually have pictures as a part of my post tonight. Now I'm just typing all of this getting ready for bed.

Today was emotionally draining, but not as much so as visiting Rapha House. Seeing the mass grave that was associated with the Pol Pot regime was hard, but it didn't touch me in quite the same way as seeing the young girls that had been sexually exploited. I did a lot of self-reflection on the bus on our drive. I've been listening to some of the sermon podcasts on my iPod from a series of sermons at Common Ground that are very pertinent to my own personal issues going on at home. I think that they are really going to help me process a lot of things and help me to begin seeing certain aspects of my life in much healthier ways. There are a lot of people in the group that have really helped me to think and reflect and process. God has truly brought together a fantastic group. This trip was definitely something that I needed. I miss Lola and I miss everyone at home, but it's nice to be taken out of my element, put in a place where I am surrounded by people who know God, and be made to talk about issues and situations that I have been brushing aside for many years now. God knew this trip was exactly what I needed at a time when I needed it. I am so grateful for everyone who helped me make it here. Without them I wouldn't be having this wonderful experience and I know that it is going to change me for the better. So from the depths of my heart, thank you!

Pleasure and Pain

Here’s a run down of our day: We woke up and ate breakfast, which was followed by a quick team meeting. We each talked about what had touched us the most. For me that’s been talking to my group members or having experiences that are helping me to deal with certain situations at home. I know that God has knitted together this group in such a way that it will all have a tremendous impact on each of us and on each of the people that we come in contact with. After that we went to Rapha House. This was a very sad and interesting experience. The girls that are at Rapha House have been trafficked and many were brought back from other countries. These girls range from six years old to twenty years old. Many have been raped and beaten. The program that Rapha House does is in three parts. The first is prevention. Rapha House has some part in prevention but they mainly focus on the second and third steps of the process. The second is that of recovery. They are saving the girls from sexual exploitation and trafficking so they need to be counseled emotionally, psychologically and medically. The third aspect is reintegration. They are teaching the girls a variety of vocational skills and then they have a process of reintegration into the community. After we went to Rapha House it was time for lunch at the Culinary Training Center.

Mallory and I trying to cool off before we eat at the Culinary Training Center.

The girls in this program have been taken out of extreme poverty situations or orphanages and are learning how to cook. This will give them a marketable skill that they can later use. After they complete the program, CGI will place them at a restaurant or hotel where they can work. They did an amazing job. They made traditional Cambodia dishes, as well as spaghetti and hamburgers. The food tasted wonderful. Next we traveled to some of the orphanages where the girls are from. We saw two orphanages in stark contrast from one another. The first was rundown and pitiful. The living conditions were sub par and the overall complex was not well kept. The second orphanage was a beautiful compound that did so many things to sustain itself.

One of the girls working on her loom.

They taught the children how to produce silk, sew clothing, and make furniture. It was a very lovely place, given the fact that it was in deed an orphanage. Then it was time for dinner. We ate at a cute little restaurant that has a very interesting mission. They are providing jobs for the extreme poor in Battambang. All of the people that work there are from the community and they have taken them in and taught them marketable skills. They also provide them with wages well above those at the poverty level, bonuses are offered and they get three good meals a day. It was a very nice place. It reminded me a lot of the place that my mom and I went to in Morocco where we had lemon tarts (I know this means nothing to anyone but me. But at least it will help me remember the ambiance since I forgot to bring my camera to capture its simple beauty). It also made me laugh that we ordered "Blizzards" there. They were much better than Dairy Queen, but I had to get one just to say that I had a Blizzard in the middle of Cambodia while listening to U2 and Fleetwood Mac play over the radio in the corner of the room. Overall it was a busy day!

There were a lot of mixed emotions with today. I am so unbelievably grateful that God is working in the lives of the girls at Rapha House. Many of them have been saved and have committed their lives to Christ. That is amazing to me because it goes against everything they know in relation to their culture and their family. It takes a very brave person to let those things go and embrace something new. It was wonderful seeing God work in their lives like that. It was hard to see them because many have been hurt in a way that no human being should ever go through. We weren't allowed to take pictures so I can't even begin to describe to you how petite some of these girls were. God has not allowed me the capacity of mind to comprehend what it would take for a grown man to sexually abuse any of those tiny girls and I am so grateful for that. If I could wrap my mind around that I think it would break my heart so much that I wouldn't be able to put it back together again. The wonderful thing to me is that Rapha House is creating an environment where these girls can learn vocational skills, but they also learn to be children again. They play games and do arts and crafts. They laugh at silly things and they take turns doing each others hair. Those are all things that young girls should experience and it is being given to them in an environment that fosters love and kindness instead of pain and hatred. Their smiles are so innocent and for many you can't see the pain that is hidden behind the smiling gleam in their eyes. Others wear the pain that they have in a place for all to see. It is hard to hide the pain of being beaten and raped and it takes a lot of time to process the emotions that come along with something so horrible. I pray that we can raise awareness for the cause that Rapha House supports and for CGI as well.

Please visit these websites to learn more about what Rapha House and CGI are trying to do through their missions:

http://www.raphahouse.org/

http://www.centerforglobalimpact.org/

One of the Seven Wonders of the World: Angkor Wat

We had another wonderful day here! We got up at 4:30am to go see the sunrise over Angkor Wat. For those of you that don't know, Angkor Wat is a complex of temples that were built in the 12th century. Originally they were Hindu temples then at some point in their history Buddhist monks took over. We were supposed to watch the sunrise but the cloud cover was too thick for us to see them. The main temple is Angkor Wat proper. There are a ton of temples scattered throughout the complex. We went through Angkor Wat while the sun was rising. It was beautiful to see the immense structures and to think that they had built this using only rudimentary tools. It was beautiful and mystic. There were a great deal of Hindu statues and Buddhist statues scattered throughout the temple. Many of them had "lost their heads" to thieves who have taken them to museums and other places over the years. There were some places where Buddhist statues had been placed on Hindu statues. It is the only place in the world where there is a marriage between Hindu and Buddhist symbolism. After walking around for quite some time we all needed breakfast and some coffee. We traveled back to our hotel and had an amazing breakfast! We gathered the group and checked out of the hotel. We then traveled back to the Angkor Wat complex to check out a few other temples. The first one we checked out was Angkor Thom.

One of the heads at Angkor Thom.

Another view of Angkor Thom.

A Hindu carving at the temples.

Sorry I can't help being a goof ball.

It's the one that many people see in pictures of the Angkor Wat temples. It has huge faces and towering buildings. Some historians said that quality was sacrificed over quantity but I still thought they were all beautiful. I took some time to sit outside of this complex and pray about all the things that have been going on in my life. It was a great feeling to sit there and see these temples in the most natural place. God gave those people gifts to build such beautiful things. After that we traveled to the Ta Prohm temples. This is the temple where there are huge banyan trees growing all around and through it. The trees were so immense it made you feel like an ant. These are the temples where "Tomb Raider" was filmed. It's been a long time since I've seen that movie so I couldn't really remember what scene or what part of the temple was in the movie but the temple itself was awesome so I didn't need Angelina Jolie to make it any better for me. After we were all done dying in the heat, we got on the bus for another road trip. I can't even begin to describe quite how hot it is here. I think that every ounce of fluid that I've been drinking just pours out of my body and my cells just scream out for water!! It's so unbelievably hot!! I don't think I've ever been so hot in my entire life. It was nice to get back onto the air conditioned bus. We ate lunch in Siem Reap. Mallory, Jessica, Brandie, Ashton and I ate lunch at a Mexican food restaurant. It was just as good as any Mexican restaurant we have in the US. While we were waiting for the rest of the group and the bus, we saw the lady that had cursed us the day before. It was scary because we could tell that she recognized us and came over to where we were shopping to ask us for money. We hopped on the bus the moment that it came to our meeting point. Then it was off again for another 4 hour drive to Battambang. We made a stop at a silk farm to see the process. Chris and Nicole might consider working with this particular silk farm on a more couture line of dresses later on after the Daughter's Project gets a little more credibility in the US and the market grows. We saw the whole process of how they grow them and what they feed them. That was pretty interesting because they feed them mulberry bush leaves that are a cross from mulberry bush plants from Japan, Malaysia, and Cambodia. We get silk from the cocoons that the silk worms make. They do the whole process at this particular silk farm. The artisans did beautiful work! It was a very clean work environment for those of you thinking that it might be like a sweatshop. Then we hopped back on the bus for the rest of our grueling bus ride. We are all just really tired of traveling since we traveled so long to get here and now we're doing a lot of our sightseeing. It takes its toll on the body really quick!! After a long four hour drive we made it to our hotel. It's absolutely beautiful here! It's just as nice as a lot of the hotels in the US. For dinner we went to a French restaurant. It was interesting having French cuisine in the middle of Cambodia, but it was a very good meal. I had lamb chops and they were very tender with good flavor. Mary Beth and I spent most of dinner asking Chris about the Center For Global Impact (CGI) and what it's different projects do. Each project teaches a girl or woman a different type of vocational training. byTavi teaches women to make bags and totes. The Culinary Training Center teaches girls to cook so that they will be able to work at restaurants and hotels. And the Daughters Project teaches girls to sew dresses. Each project is very different and interesting in its own unique way. After dinner we got massages and they were amazing. With tip it was only $10 for an hour of a full body massage. It was the perfect way to end a very long day of sight-seeing and travel.

So far the trip has been more touristy than it has been work so I still don't have a lot of feelings to process and write about. It is sad to see all of the poverty though. There is trash every where and what doesn't make sense to me are the amazingly beautiful homes that sit right next to a shack. It's all very strange to me because that would never ever happen in the US. There is a distinct line between where poverty is and where riches are at home. Here there is not as far as that goes. The thing that does upset me a lot is seeing the children of the homeless beggars. They didn't have a choice to be born into that, but they were and that makes me sad. If I could take them all home with me then I would. They don't deserve to have that life chosen for them. I'm still trying to work out in my head the impact that I can have for the girls that we work with once I come home. That's a struggle because a lot of people come home from mission trips and they are really excited about the cause still for a little while and then after some time it goes away and they forget all that they have seen. I'm not going to let myself forget.